Reason, Not Feelings
[A continuation from “No Problem For Individualists.“]
The only moral relationship between individuals is that which is based reason. The only way one individual may morally attempt to influence or motivate another is by appealing to their own rational values and principles, by means of logical arguments and explanations which another is free to accept or reject based on their own best reasoning. This is the basis of what used to called, “civil discourse;” it is how all individuals would deal with one another in a truly civilized society.
Unfortunately we do not live in a civilized society, and most individuals do not deal with others by means of reason, or reason alone. The independent individualist must learn how deal with the irrational, as well as the rational.
Three Kinds Of Relationships
In our mostly uncivilized society, relationships between individuals will fall into one of the following three categories:
- Those based on reason between all parties.
- Those which include the irrational or deception at some level.
- Those which include coercion, or the threat of it.
The first kind of relationship is the only kind that can be of real unmitigated value to the individualist, but such relationships are extremely rare, because most people are not individualists and relationships with them will always be of the second or third kind. It is how the individualist can rationally deal with those kinds of irrationality that must be addressed.
Dealing With The Irrational
For independent individualists, so long as others do not attempt to intrude in their lives, and there is no real relationship with them, however irrational others are in their own lives or in dealing with one another is irrelevant. It is only when the independent individualist must deal with others their irrationality must be considered.
In dealing with others, however irrational they might be, the independent individualist must remain rational in all his own choices and actions. The danger for the individualist in dealing with the irrational is to have his rationality compromised by the only possible threat to it, surrendering to one’s own irrational feelings.
In the last Daily Freedom, “No Problem For Individualists,” I wrote:
“It is certainly no rational argument that convinces an individual to violate their own values and principles. It is never reason, but that other motivator of human action, the feelings or emotions.”
Even when dealing with others who are not totally rational in their own lives, so long as we can maintain a relationship with them based strictly only reason, there is no difficulty in dealing with them.
Those who attempt to deal with us in any way other then reason always resort to an appeal to feelings or emotion.
Feelings Don’t Count
Reason and feelings are not antagonists, and if the proper order is kept, our thinking and our feeling will always be in agreement. Since are feelings are responses to what we think, know, and value, so long as or thinking is always rational and all our choices are based on reason, the good feelings that result are the reward for always acting according to truth, that is, reality.
But the order cannot be reversed. To allow our feelings to determine or even influence our thinking, or to take any course of action directly seeking a certain feeling, must always result in mistaken thinking, wrong choices, and frequently disastrous consequences. It is always wrong to base any choice or decision on feelings or emotions.
In most cases the independent individualist’s own sense of independence, competence, and self-assurance protect against the temptation to allow one’s feelings and emotions to sway their thinking and choices, but no one is immune to such influences and only a clear understanding of their nature and a ruthless determination to preserve one’s independence can protect against them.
Irrational Influences
Many people in our lives will try to influence our behavior or convince us to take some action, and so long as that influence is in the form of rational argument, and for our mutual benefit such influences is both rational and benevolent.
Many people, however, attempt to influence us irrationally, and, assuming they do not resort to force or the threat of it, their appeal is never to reason but to our emotions and feelings.
The kinds of things such irrational people try to get us to do are never for out own benefit, though they may try to convince us they are, but such “benefit” will never be based on rational values, but some vague and irrational, often collective, non-value.
They will try to influence us to do something we would never choose to do, and would prefer not to do, or to support something we cannot truly agree with, or to act or take part in something we regard as dishonest, immoral, or unethical, or to participate in some activity with others we would prefer not to be with, or perhaps prefer not to have anything to do with at all.
Using Your Virtues Against You
One emotion or feeling frequently used by the irrational to influence others is fear appealing to those feelings associated with doubt and insecurity.
They will try to intimidate you, not with threats of force, but by convincing you of some certain danger, or risk, or harm that will result by your not conforming to whatever it is they are trying to impose on you. It might be a certain diet, or some activity for the sake of your health (you must do this exercise), your sanity (you must read this self-help book), your wealth (what happens to your family if you don’t buy this insurance). Intimidation, appealing to fear and lack of self-assurance, works with many people, perhaps most, but is the least likely method to work with the independent individualist.
A much more likely influence the independent individualist is vulnerable to, are appeals to those feelings which arise from an individualist’s own virtues. The independent individualist’s own sense of justice and goodwill toward others, the desire for benevolence in all things, are targets of irrational manipulation.
The individualist desires that all others enjoy life as he does, and dislikes all suffering. The irrational will appeal to the your own sense of generosity, compassion, and magnanimity when attempting to make you contribute to causes you know are wrong.
The irrationalist knows that feelings of guilt arises from being conscious of violating one’s own principles, such as one’s sense of justice. They will attempt to convince you that withholding your help, or support from some individual or cause is unfair and unjust. It is an attempt to evoke a feeling of guilt and is irrational.
Many people are surprised that individualists often have a strong sense of camaraderie with those they work with or those in their community they associate with, because they confuse individualism with isolation, aloofness, or the anti-social. As Ayn Rand wrote to Rose Wilder Lane (November 3, 1946), “… only true Individualists are fit to associate with other men.”
The irrationalist will use this sense of society to press a collective view on you, and argue that you ought to participate in whatever it is they are trying to influence you to do, for the sake of your fellow workers, your community, or even all of society, no matter how much sacrifice of your time, or effort, or wealth it will require.
There is another, more subtle kind of irrational appeal to the individualist’s own principles of justice that will be used against you. It is an attempt to make you feel you “owe” something to some group, or agency, or organization which has provided you with some supposed benefit, but it is always some benefit you never asked for or desired, like the police, or your town’s “services,” or the “schools.” This method will be used by other small-fry irrationalists as well, by those who do you some unasked-for “favor,” then expect your gratitude. This is a favorite of intrusive relatives and neighbors.
Really, It’s Blackmail
There is one method the irrationalist will use that might seem to be an appeal to reason and be a concern with your own benefit. That method is an attempt to convince you that your failure to participate in some action or supporting some program will result in a loss to you, such as a loss of friendship, perhaps damage to your reputation, perhaps the loss of your job, or even the loss of someone’s love.
While this bit of irrationality is put over as genuine concern for your own welfare, it is in reality nothing more than attempted blackmail. It is perhaps the most despicable of all the methods of irrationality that will be used to intrude in your life, short of a threat of force.
The supposed losses are all false. Whatever it is the irrationalist is attempting to impose on you, from a particular kind of action to going along with something you cannot agree with, if a friendship depends on your doing something contrary to your own values and principles, that is, not being yourself, it is not friendship at all. Someone truly your friend appreciates you for who and what you are, not as object to be manipulated into being someone they wish were.
Your reputation is only what other people believe about you—who or what they think you are. In truth, the only individuals that matter to you are those who know who and what you are, what others think of you, or about you, is totally irrelevant. Nothing of real value in life depends on the opinions or views of others, only the truth matters, whatever others believe or think.
A, “job,” that depends in any way on your compromising your own values and principles, or acting in any way contrary to what is right for you, is costing you more than you can possibly gain from that job. If you must work for an employer, the only rational basis for the employment and your success as an employee, for both you and the employer must depend entirely on your value as an employee, that is, your actually productivity. Any other relationship as employer and employee is an unethical one.
To Control You
Those who attempt to interfere or intrude in your life are often simply attempting to use you for some objective or end of their own. There is, however, another motive for those who attempt to manipulate you rather than dealing with you rationally—that other motive is a desire to control you.
It is a motive that the independent individualist cannot imagine, because the independent individualist is incapable of desiring to control others, a desire that only the irrational are capable of.
The desire to control others is so strong in some people, even if they cannot manage to manipulate you to do what they would like you to do, they will still try to control you, to at least influence you to act in a way they have initiated, from a way they have managed to make you feel. If they cannot control you in any other way, they will attempt to frustrate you, annoy you, or make you angry enough to act out of anger, that is, irrationally.
The irrational know that they are irrational, that some or all their choices and actions are not determined by reason, but in response to their feelings and emotions, and they believe that everyone is controlled by their feelings and emotions. The fact that you always maintain rationality and always do the right thing, no matter how anyone else behaves, is an indictment of their whole life. Implicitly, if not explicitly, they know irrationality is immoral. If they can incite you to react emotionally it will be a justification of their view that all individuals are controlled by their feelings and their emotions, and they cannot really help what they do—it’s not their fault.
There is one other reason they want to control you. So long as you are rational in all your choices and actions, it means you are in total control of yourself, and they know as long as you are in total control of yourself, you are free of their control or the control of anyone else.
It is that freedom they despise you for, because they know it is a freedom they can never have. It is when you realize that it is your freedom they despise, and that freedom is the reward of your virtue, that all of the feelings that you refused to let control you are under your control, and under your control they are your servants providing you all the joy and happiness you deserve and have earned.