Holiday Freedom

In, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World, Harry Browne identified 14 “traps” which are really various forms of self-imposed oppression that rob us of our freedom—all based on false assumptions and beliefs we’ve come to just accept without question. Harry’s genius was in identifying those false beliefs and smashing them.

It is well known that the holiday season is a time of great stress and depression for many people. Psychologists have provided many explanations for this phenomenon, but they are mostly wrong. The major cause of stress and unhappiness at the holiday season is largely the very kind of self-imposed oppression identified by Harry Browne—holiday depression is the emotional experience of a sense of complete loss of freedom.

There is nothing about the holiday season that places any kind of obligation on anyone, yet almost everyone feels the weight of endless obligations, of things they, “must do,” though no one asks why they must do those things—they just must, they assume, because it’s the holiday season.

Freedom From the Holiday Season

In the UK, the word “holiday” is used in a more general way than in the US, and is akin to our word “vacation;” a time away from obligations and routine work, when one is free to do whatever they like and enjoy themselves. That is what all of an independent individualist’s time ought to be, especially during holidays.

Far from doing what ever one likes during the holidays, most people, even those who think of themselves as individualists, find themselves doing a host of things they really do not want to do, with little time left to do what they would really like. Yet there is no obligation for an individualist to do any of those things.

This year, decide to be free; because you are not obliged to do a single one of those things that you allow to take your freedom away from you.

You do not have to visit the relatives.

I have never understood why people believe the accident of birth places an obligation on them to associate with people they would not give the time of day to if they were not relatives. If you do not have an objective reason for finding value in someone, a biological relationship is not a substitute for objectivity.

Even if you like a certain relative, a date on the calendar does not require you to visit them then. Your association with people must always be honest and based on your values and the value of the relationship to you both.

You do not have to let the relatives visit you.

For the same reasons you do not have to visit relatives, you do not have to allow them to visit you. However, this is not an excuse for discourtesy. If they “just show up,” invite them in, informing them it is only for a few minutes because you have another “obligation.” You do not need to explain. If they overstay, they are being discourteous and you may politely and firmly ask them to leave.

You never have to let anyone into your house, and unless you invite them, or really want them to visit, you should not let them into your house. Your home is your property, private and an extension of yourself—every day of the year.

You do not have to cook or entertain.

It’s your holiday, not your enslavement day to be turned into cook, servant, host, hostess, and entertainer. No relative, no friend, no other human being has a claim on your time or effort. If someone attempted to make you cook for them or entertain them at any other time you would consider it an assault. How does a holiday change those principles?

You do not have to buy anyone a holiday gift.

If others have no claim on your time or effort, they certainly have no claim on your money. It does not matter if they choose to buy you a gift, especially if you’ve informed them you prefer not to exchange gifts. They have a right to spend their money as they choose. You are not, however, obliged to accept unasked-for gifts and it is not discourteous to refuse them. Discourtesy is on the part of those giving unasked-for gifts, it is presumption.

A gift is an expression of a very special kind of relationship and must always be both given and received in complete understanding of it’s purpose and meaning by both parties. All other gift-giving is hypocrisy, persumptuous, unctuous, or ingratiating.

You do not have to send out those holiday cards.

There is a bit of presumption in sending out holiday cards too—how do you know those receiving your cards really want to hear from you. Perhaps you are just adding to the overload of junk mail.

Of course, there is nothing about the holiday season that obligates you to spend the time and money to send anyone anything, but if you are thinking about doing it ask yourself two questions: 1. Do you ever write this person at any other time of the year? 2. If they know you are interested in them, why do you need to remind them of it now?

You do not have to go to the party.

You never have to go to anyone’s parties, ever, especially at holiday time. If anything else in your life depends on your attending a party, your job, your friendships, or anything you want to do, whatever that thing is, you are better off without it.

You do not have to decorate.

You do not have to have a Christmas tree, lights in your windows, a wreath on your door, or any other kind of decorations. It is not your duty to provide others an interesting view or pleasant sights to look at. There is nothing that requires you to make your house look a certain way, anytime. (Zoning laws that do that are clearly oppressive.)

The Season Of No Obligation

If it were not all these obligations that people feel compelled to fulfill, the holiday season would be wonderful. For most, it means time off and time to do some things they like. It would be perfect if there were no obligations.

What, after all, really makes people feel obligated to do any of these things? It is either “other people’s feeling,” or “other people’s opinions.”

Isn’t the reason people let themselves be forced into spending time with people they would prefer not to because they “don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings,” or, “don’t want to disappoint anyone?” Don’t people attend parties they really would rather not because they are afraid to be thought unsociable?

These are not objective reasons, not reasons an independent individualist ever uses to make choices. An individual that would never let his own irrational feelings and desires determine his choices, certainly will not let someone else’s irrational desires and feeling determine them. An individual who knows he lives according to principles and values is not concerned with what others think of him.

Ultimately, it is not what one does with their holiday, or any other time, it is why they do it that determines whether they are free or not. If you happen to be someone who loves to visit relatives, loves having a crowd for the holidays, and loves cooking, if you enjoy Christmas shopping, wrapping presents and seeing the pleasure on other people’s faces when they open your truly loving gifts, if you enjoy writing all those cards and keeping in touch with those you love, if you know how to enjoy a party and like attending them, if you just like to make your home festive and warm with decorations at the holiday season, if they are all things you want to do, you are free to do them, and ought to do them. Knowing that you are not obligated to do any of them and are free to do them or not will make your holiday free, whatever you choose to do.